Freewrite - 10/12
Write a scene or poem about a breakup, a death, a quarrel, or moving away from a place. Start with the event of disconnection but include at least one flashback to the initial connection (i.e. meeting the person for the first time, a bonding moment, or the first memory of a special place). Focus on one good element of the disconnection and one bad one.
When I first moved away from home to college, I felt lost. I had disconnected from all family and friends and was just trying to find my way. I had one flashback and it was my college decision party. It was a happy day and I missed being with family and friends. That was my one good disconnection. One bad disconnection is arguing with my family. For some reason, we argued a lot and I couldn’t tell you why.
ReplyDeleteI stared at my tree. Sally had been a part of my life for as long as I knew. I can picture myself, years ago, too small to climb like my siblings. Sitting on the fence under the branches, tracing the bark. I could've sat there all day. Sometimes I had. But among the happy memories were also the scraps and bruises and broken branches. The time my sister got stuck and it took an hour to get her down. The good and the bad, Sally was there. She still is there, but I'm not. The new house has new trees, not as strong for climbing and without the memories tied in the branches. But they're good trees too. But no tree would ever be quite like Sally.
ReplyDeleteFrom the second they met there was a burning passion of love, but that fire slowly dwindled after some time. when there's only one person stoking the fire, they will get tired of trying.
ReplyDeleteWhen the day was down, we decided to call it quits, we were done with the back and forth, the arguing, the lies, the ups and downs. We both decided we were done. We wanted to end it on a good note and to not have any bad blood between us, to get everything off our chest, as it was our last conversation as boyfriend and girlfriend. I talked and he talked, we agreed and we disagreed. I remember when we first met, 2 years ago, watching him run at his track practice, our first glances at each other, oh how i wish, it could stay like that forever but it didn’t. How we communicated our first few talks, so full of laughter and joy and honesty. Our first disagreements seemed so playful and now they are filled with hate.
ReplyDeleteThe end of the friendship was abrupt,
ReplyDeleteOne day we were best friends, the next we weren't
Back when we used to wake up early to go hang out,
and we wouldn't stop until 2 in the morning
now it's just mourning our friendship.
We both met new, exciting people
to fulfill our social life,
some are closer than me and you ever were,
but ending our friendship puts a bad taste in my mouth.
She’s gone. Officially. The feelings that I once had are no more. Her heart still beats, but she is dead to me. I will say, I will miss the way she said my name. It was like as if I was the most important thing. But inevitably, I wasn’t. Because if I was the most important thing to her, she wouldn’t have cheated. If I was the most important thing, she wouldn’t have lied about where she was going. If I was the most important thing, she would still be here next to me. Maybe it’s good that she’s gone. I can finally focus on myself, learn how to be myself without the constant worry of if it’ll hurt her feelings. I can finally be me.
ReplyDeleteI moved away for college. I had decided to go to college 7 hours away from home. One good element was that I was moving to a new place and could make many new friends and be away from home to learn how to be on my own. A bad part of this was I missed my family and my dogs. When I had got to college I did not think I would miss them that much but I do. I do not have home sickness I just miss seeing them. A lot of people here that I have talked to go home on the weekends or go home for fall break and I do not. I actually like it because it forces me to do be independent and do things on my own. It makes me stronger knowing I can survive without my parents in college and not needing to go home every weekend.
ReplyDeleteI sat there and sobbed for his family, for all of the people in the room who knew him and would do anything to have him back. I prayed right then and there for everyone to bounce back from this. As we listened to the song that him and his wife always danced to, I looked around the room to see everyone still. Everyone silent. I noticed as we all sat there, everyone had their own memories with him that were flashing into their minds. Unfortunately, I never got to meet him, but I met apart of him, his son. His son was only 8 years old when his father passed away. While he was young, he understood what happened. He asked me if his dad was ever going to come back. At a loss of words I sat there and hugged him. When I met Sammy, I met Sam.
ReplyDeleteAs I sit in the passenger seat of my friends, Cassie's car, I stay silent. Flabbergasted. I cannot believe the friend I considered to be close with would do that to me. I replay all of what Cassie said to me. In short, my friend, who shall remain nameless, told my whole friend group that I have no friends and that I am antisocial because my personality is weird and the way that I am. Speechless does not do the thoughts in my head justice. I should've known. I think back to the moment where I thought we were getting closer and comfortable with each other. I shared details about my life, that I would never tell anyone. I remember feeling so relieved to have talked to her about it. Was it just a joke for her? Did she think it was fun or made her cool to share with everyone the secret that reamins in the dark for me? Should I confront her? Am I stupid? Questions and thoughts swarm my head as warm, fat tears roll down my face.
ReplyDeleteEveryday of my senior year, I couldn’t wait to leave. A town where everyone knows everyone, and your social status is decided by your parents. There was no changing who you were, and everyone knew an outdated version of you from two years ago. Even your parents get so caught up in status, they forget who you are. For months on end, we fought each other with every breath. No conversation was safe from their strong opinions of who I should be. It was brought up at every chance, and didn’t end until my mother and I were screaming; sometimes that didn’t even stop it. The time I spent breaking down in my room made me want to get out of there as soon as possible. But I was reminded of the people that stood by me through those long nights of screaming. My friends and I, after a long shift at a pizza place, would laugh and sing obnoxiously after close. The dumbest music would play, but we’d sing every word, using our mops as microphones. Even after we clocked out, we would talk outside, rain, shine or snow, we always ranted to each other after our long shifts. Whether it was about our day to day, or the meaning of life they were always there for me. It made me actually leaving bitter sweet. These people had become my support system, and knew me inside and out, but now I would have to start all over. But, being here now I know it was all for a reason. My parents made it easy to leave, but I will forever be thankful for the people that made it hard to leave.
ReplyDeleteMy mom finally gave in and told my siblings and I that we could get a puppy. Little did we know he wouldn't be in our lives very long. On the way there, we decided to name him Hugo. We rescued him from a litter about 45 minutes out of town and played with him the entire car ride home in the backseat of my Mom's red truck. We got home and bathed him in the backyard in a plastic kiddy pool we bought, making sure all the mud, bugs and filth were no longer coating the newest member of the family. As Hugo got older, around two years old, we noticed he started having seizures at night. In and out of the vet, different medicines and diets were prescribed to try and combat his episodes. Time only made things worse and the episodes only got longer and more violent. At only three years old, Hugo would have seizures that lasted over 40 minutes with no rest in between. We sensed that he was absent even when he wasn't in an episode and his joy and playfulness had dulled. The day Hugo passed away, we knew he was no longer in pain, running and fetching with so many other dogs in heaven.
ReplyDeleteRecently, a disconnection that I've felt is being away from home. I'm from Chicago and I've never lived anywhere else. Coming to college and being away from a place that I've known my whole life is difficult. I don't feel as connected to home anymore because I'm not living there full time. It is good though that I am able to get out of my comfort zone and move away because not everyone is comfortable doing so. Again, a bad part is I feel a little disconnected from the place I grew up in. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out in important events that are happening in my families lives and I'm just not able to be there.
ReplyDeleteI was leaving Centre. My first college and the place I thought I would graduate from. I had dreamed of that school since I was a little kid but here I was sending in a withdrawal letter without so much as a goodbye to my campus. I would still have the friends I made there but of course it wouldn't be the same. I first toured the school when I was in fifth grade for gifted and talented. I decided then that was where I wanted to go. I loved my friends and some of the two years that I spent as a student. I tried my best to stick it out but it nothing could make the bad parts go away or feel better.
ReplyDeleteAfter months of applying to colleges, visiting campuses, and checking my fafsa to see what schools give me the most money, it was May 1 and I had to make a decision. Since November, I’ve been feeling uneasy about this process because I was doubting myself the entire time. My parents weren’t much help either, they were begging me to stay home and go to the local college fifteen minutes down the road. I was craving change, I wanted to go somewhere where I can start fresh. After reviewing all thirteen schools, I decided to go with Kentucky. I was so close to choosing Louisiana State, but the money and distance was too difficult to handle. Summer rolled by, I’ve only been hanging out with my friends and making money, but in the back of my head, I was having doubts. Having to leave my family and friends that I’ve created a bond with the past eighteen years was agonizing. Growing up with my friends from elementary school has stopped, our journey together has ended. I’ll see them again, but going to Marietta square at 3 in the morning, visiting Atlanta for Ponce City Market, and the impulsive Six Flags trips would never be the same. I can’t be mad at anyone but myself for choosing to move away, but it’s for the best. The moments I have with my loved ones would be cherished and I’ll hold on to them. As of right now, I have to make memories at Lexington for the next four years.
ReplyDeleteMoving away from my childhood home was sad, walking through a empty home that was once full of life is interesting; interesting because as I walk through each room comes to life in my head, recalling memories that once lived there. I walked downstairs into the basement, this is where all of my friends would come and hang out, we'd play games for hours, talk, and plan what we would do that day.
ReplyDeleteAidan Reid
I remember moving away from home a couple months ago and leaving all my childhood friends and memories. It was hard because for the first 18 years of my life I was leaving my home, not just the literal house, but the community of people surrounding it that I've known for my entire life. It was rough at first but it has made me better because I've made new friends and am really independent for the first time in my life.
ReplyDeleteIt was two weeks before college. He was going to Mizzou and I was going to UK. We would have been 6 hours away from each other. We dated for 17 months, but he ended it right before our 18th. I wanted to try and make it work, but he couldn’t. He thought it would be too hard. We met at school junior year. I was the new kid and always though he was cute, but never thought I would bet able to get him. I first talked to him in the parking lot of as park near our house. I was with my friends and he was with his. We parked by them and rolled down our windows. We talked for hours and kept catching ourselves looking at each other through the half cracked window. 3 months later, we were dating.
ReplyDeleteThe baby blue door with the string to open it hanging just waiting for me to open it. The little spaces on the top of the baby blue door giving me a way to communicate with the other side. I yelled "Grandma are you home?". I could hear the dishes clashing against each other she was washing them she yells. "Of course Im home come in I've been waiting for you to eat breakfast".
ReplyDeleteEven years later that very moment and memory I will have with me forever just going up to my grandmas house and being able to just hangout with her when I wanted too. Her passing was a very difficult time. I have grown very close to that memory and it is what I use it the most to remember the good times but it has also been difficult to expect that I won't be able to open the baby blue door without not seeing my grandma.
It was a early Thursday morning and I just got done with class. As I walk out I see this beautiful girl making her way towards the lunch room. I thought to myself, “I can’t let her slip away, I have to go talk to her”. As I approach her, I start to get real nervous and I suddenly regret what I decided. But, I was too far in to punk out so I continued with my mission. I introduced myself and she told me her name. Her name was Sky, as about as beautiful as a name can get. We get to talking and from there that is where our journey started. Me and Sky became real close over 2 months and I finally felt like I could ask her out now. But, my parents came to me with news that we were moving. Immediately I started to cry and I told my parents why. I won’t ever be able to ask out my crush.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up I was really close with my great grandmother. She is the reason I love coffee so much and why I value family time. One night when I was staying at my dads he woke me up in the middle of the night saying we have to go to my grandmothers house right now. Of course I woke up really confused and he wouldn’t tell me what happened until we got there. Once we pulled in the drive way I asked again what happened no he told me that my great grandmother passed away. I immediately ran in the house. Once I made it through the front door the ambulance people grabbed me and I fell down to my knees. Seconds later my dad was there to pick me up. It was one of the hardest days of my life. Her death was also the reason why I hate funerals and I don’t view the bodies, I just go straight to my seat. This is also because I don’t want the last image of them in my head to be them in a casket.
ReplyDeleteAbout 10 months ago, a boy who I was very in love with was coming home from basic training. We had been together in the past, and we knew we were going to get back together when he came home. We wrote letters facetimed on sundays when he would get his phone for the little amount of time that he did. When he got bcak, we were together for about 5 months, then it began to go downhill. Trust was lost, and we seemed to argue a lot. I decided to end things for good and that was a good decision for me. I was able to grow as a person, and now I am in a new relationship happy as ever.
ReplyDelete“Did you fuck her?!” I yelled at him, “Answer me honestly, did you fuck her?!” He finally looks at me with tears in his eyes and nods. “I fucking hate you, get your shit and leave. She was my best friend, and you both betrayed me. Im keeping the dog, if you cant commit to a woman no way you deserve a goddamn dog.” He looks at me one last time before heading into the bedroom to pack his things. I kept thinking back to the time we first met. I was listening to music, browsing through the books being quirky and different as one does. Then I saw him, he had that look to him, kinda mysterious, quiet but also funny. Exactly my type. We started talking, instant sparks. We began to hangout a lot, we hooked up the first night we met. But he didnt kick me out right after, we actually began talking and found that we are total opposites. But somehow we were still the same. Everything was good, everything was perfect, too perfect. I hated myself for falling for him. Deep down I knew it wouldnt work, emotionally unavailable men are my type. Commitment issues girly over here. But still he didnt have to cheat. With my best friend. Shes not even his type, like at all. I hate both of them now, hope to see them in hell.
ReplyDeleteZoe Brewer
tears swelled in my eyes as a read her message on my phone. I instantly felt a tsunami of emotions flood my brain. Sadness, anger, relief, confusion, and regret, all vying for control but not willing to let the other take charge. How could she? after all I had given her. I remembered when I first laid eyes on her. Algebra class in high school. I made her laugh once and that was it, I had fallen for her. Years later, I realized this was for the best, the way she went about it didn't help though.
ReplyDeleteAs she began to walk out of his apartment, he grabbed her hand and the memories came flooding back. All she could think of was the day that they first said "I love you" and the adorable awkwardness of their first date. How could something that was once so good, turn bad so quickly? Her heart hurt, and she could feel the lump in her throat as she pulled her hand away from him. She had the bittersweet feeling of a weight being lifted off of her shoulders because though it was a heavy one to carry, she would have done it for the rest of her life if it had meant they could be together. As she closed his apartment door for the last time, the memories stopped filling her mind. All she could see was a blank hallway leading to the staircase. Her thoughts were empty, and her mind was finally at ease. She felt lighter than a feather.
ReplyDeleteAnd now I go day to day doing everything I used to do with you, alone. It's been hard but I know it's for the best. All the fighting, crying, hurting, over. We started off so good, what happened? Did we just fall out of love? Did you do all of this to push me away, self-sabotage this? Looking past all the bad parts of us, I can't help but think about when we first started our journey together. Laying in bed laughing until 4am, watching our show together, ice cream dates, and you taking me home for the first time to meet your family. I know all that's gone now, I'm trying to move on. I just wish somewhere along the way we didn't choose to take the path we ended up on.
ReplyDeleteThe bricks look the same
ReplyDeleteBut the faces don’t quite sit right in their frames
The content taught is identical
But the cadence of the teacher is unusual
The courtyard outside feels grows ever further
No
This place hasn’t had a courtyard in forever
Walking through the same colored halls
Seeing only new dolls
Is the class on the right
Or is that where it was last night
The bricks look the same
Trapped in an unsure game
Camden hedrick
Delete"Idk what changed but k cool" "Idk, I'm sorry" "k thanks, yet again" "I'm sorry" "Me too" *removes contact* The end of what almost was a fun, strong, meaningful connection. The end of the personal conversations about family and talking about how our days went. The end of checking up on each other when one's feeling down. The end of watching football games together and going for drives to get cookout. Back to the first time meeting - getting cookout and talking for hours. Talking about the team and teammates, explaining our family dynamics, meeting the roommates. We all know the saying of "everything happens for a reason." The disconnection happened for a reason - back to living the college life with no ties. But also, back to not having those hugs that feel like home.
ReplyDeleteI didn't realize how hard leaving would be. I was so ready to go, to feel the freedom I had always sought out, but I began to feel the despair at leaving my childhood home when I started packing those boxes. Loading them into the moving truck was even harder; each of my siblings helping carry furniture, my mother fighting to hold back tears at the fact that her oldest was leaving for good, my grandpa driving the truck to my new apartment. I remember the first day I officially moved in to my childhood home. Even though I was always welcome at my grandparents it felt so different to say that I would be living with them. After living in various run-down hotel rooms, apartment hopping, and even being homeless at one point stuck living with my mom's eery friends that always made me uncomfortable as a child, I was so relieved to be in a home that made me safe and to have a space of my own. But it was time for me to leave. I mentally prepared and excited myself for months to live on my own for college, but when the time came I only felt like a coward. I felt obligated to stay.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a kid, I moved a lot because of my dads job. After the 12th time moving, I developed a bad habit of not wanting to make friends because I was scared we would have to move away again. When I moved to California, I met one girl named Tyler. She was coloring in her garage with the door open and playing music on her dvd player. I was quite frightened by her at first because she was so approachable, it felt different. We played for hours a day. But after school ended, I found out she had another friend Bree. My 7 year old self was pissed. i didn’t know how to ‘share’ a friend. Since I wasn’t exposed to the nature that people are allowed to have other friends, I became very distant with Tyler. At this time, my parents were having a hard time affording the rent of our house so we had to move again to a different neighborhood. Little did I know, this move would bring a whole bunch of new friends. When I finally got settled into my new house I also moved to a different school since I was started middle school. On my first day, I realized Tyler also went to the same school! We instantly reconnected and had a big friend group (thankfully I got better at having multiple friends) and me and Tyler have been best friends for 12 years.
ReplyDeleteWe woke up at seven am and everything was already packed in the car. Ready to embark on this new adventure. Moving always seems to have a different connotation for everyone doing the moving. Like how moving schools can be negative because you start over in a new place with new people. But it can also be a good thing to move away from what you know, if something isn't working then that means it is time for a change. I was strictly in between. I remember thinking I was happy, but I know I could be happier. Which is why I attended a school not close to home. So I could simply spread my wings, see what I like and what makes me feel like the best version of myself. Leaving that morning was rough I will not lie. I was regretting my decision to go to the University of Kentucky, and thinking maybe I should go to the community college that I can live at home for. I knew everything I was used to was about to change and deciding if I was ready or not, was weighing me down. But here I am, thriving for the most part. Loving my new life in Lexington. However, it makes me sad to think about how close my dad and I were. That all changed we talk like three times a week now, thinking about that makes me feel disconnected from him.
ReplyDeleteI had a best friend of 13 years. She was also my neighbor. We grew up together and spent every second we possibly could with each other. Until one day, life became real and we were no longer those happy little girls we once were. We got into an argument that included our families, so the disconnection we experienced was rooted in kinship. Before the argument ended I remember feeling furious and disheartened. Then, a memory of our childhood came to my mind: us listening to music, dancing, and playing with dolls together. All of it was over. It took me time to get over this disconnect, but I did experience some good from it. No longer having a best friend taught me how to be more comfortable with myself and it gave me a chance to start living for myself and what I like, rather than living for the acceptance of others. The best thing I could do for her was to let her go, too.
ReplyDeleteMy great grandpa Ron was a mans man. He was the first great grandparent I met as a young child and he is a man who put his life at risk to protect this nation but also his family. My papaw was pushing my great grandpa, who suffered from a stroke so he can not walk, up the handicap walk into his home. My papaw was talking to my grandpa Ron and he was having a hard time to get the words out, but when i was little he used to give me crap all the time for messing up or not being able to come up with the correct word, so while my grandpa Ron was trying to say something I said with a giggle “C’mon Gpa get it out already…. today jr” and he started swinging his arm around to grab me so fast, and my papaw was laughing historically, and we all made it inside and he grabbed me and fake choked me out with his good arm. That same loving man is now no longer able to grace his family members with his love and jokes or anything, He has left his legacy and his sarcasm in the hands of the family members after him. The room grew cold and dim. The casket was peacefully but bitterly placed in front of all those in family. I looked to left and as I saw that one drop slowly build in my father and papaws eyes, and as they slowly slithered down their faces, I began to feel the sensation of being punched in the stomach, my heart felt as tho it was hurting and the tears began to slither down all our faces as we tried to stay strong as grandpa would, we all held our physical stance, but the emotions began to fade through the klein brick wall, the gates that had been closed so long for those men in my family began to pierce through as the sun pierces through the clouds on a rainy day.
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't supposed to be like this. He was so young, so talented. Now, I look at his grey face caked with I don't even know what they use in funeral homes. Our mother made us go to his house the day after he had passed. Yes mom, Jimmy Johns sandwiches are definitely going to help your best friend grieving her 19 year old boy. I would excuse myself every 15 minutes of the wake to sob in the bathroom. I felt guilty, I didn't even know him for the last six years of his life. I hated myself, I should have reached out, I should have spent more time with him. The last time I was with him, we were running through the corn fields behind his old house. My childhood best friend was gone.
ReplyDeleteMy hands shake as I dial his number in my phone. I think he knows what is about to happen. I take a deep breath and hear a "hi" from the speaker of the phone. I force a "hi" back and he goes on to tell me about his day. I don't respond for a second as a try my best to gather myself. I pull up my nots app and read off the speech I had written a few hours earlier. My voice shakes as I read off what I had written. I start off by saying "I want to break up" so there is abosoulutley no question about what we are after I finish talking. He tries to protest but I then say "I need you to respect this decision because it will only make it harder for the both of us if you don't." Tears well into my eyes and I continue with my speech. I feel myself drift into another world and I cannot process everything I'm saying. After I'm done, he says he understand and he will always care about me. My heart breaks as I think about all the happy memories we have shared. All the adventures we had gone on in the past 2 years. I think about all the times we had talked about our future and that we just knew we were gonna make it. But then I remember all the negatives. All the pain he had caused me. How I would feel guilty about things I should never feel guilty about. How I would never tell my friends the real him because I wanted them to approve no matter what. I take one last breath and say "I wish you the best in life" and then I hang up the phone.
ReplyDeleteI never thought I would have this much heartache over something I've done multiple times before. When I first moved to that town, I knew I was only staying for a year. I knew being the new kid my senior year would be hard but I never expected to miss my old life so much. I knew i was leaving for college and that this year didn't really matter but I watched through a screen how my friends back home were having the senior year I was supposed to have and got taken away from me. I remembered the growth that happened there and how all of those people made me who I am today. I miss driving around at night to get overly processed donuts and blasting music while driving down the highway with my best friends. The joy I felt was like no other in that last year and I wish I could've stayed just another year longer.
ReplyDeleteI suppose the fracture wasn’t quick
ReplyDeleteIt didn’t spindle apart like frost on a wind
It didn’t shatter at the quick of a second
It was a slow burn
A slow melting
We wilted in our emotions
We sloughed off in the heat of indifference
I suppose it was either one of us who lit the wick, made it all burn down quick
Consumed in the flames of what was, what could’ve be, what if scorching across the no man’s land between us
I rained down bullets of harsh defense
You swished your sword of arrogance and cut quick with your tongue
But war swords are double edged and you drew your own blood to
And I smacked myself with my own recoil
We threw gas at the other
Trying to stifle the other’s breath of defiance and anger
The thing about mustard gas is that it flies back in your face
But when you’re deep in the trenches,
You’re blind and too proud to lift your head out of the ground.
- Bella Hardin
Have you ever been in a one sided friendship? Where you felt that you were the only one trying to keep this friendship alive. Well if you haven't, don't feel you have missed out because it sucks. I was in this group. It was the four of us and we met the first week of college. We all live on the same floor in the same dorm building, and we did everything together that first week. As classes started we were still doing everything together as much as we could, but then as the school year continued on we started to drift apart. And as we I mean me. They were still doing everything together, but I felt left out. Like I missed the memo or something. Naturally it being my first semester at the university, and the first couple weeks I was making other friends, and joined a sorority. So it wasn’t like I was alone. I still see them sometimes in passing, and they are never rude or mean to me. These three people were like first love, I will forever cherish our friendship and the time we spent together. But I am also not going to let this lost friendship take a toll on my mental health. That is why I have decided it is best for me to stop letting myself be dragged along, and stop reaching out. Wait to see if they do. And if they don’t that sucks for them because they are missing out on how amazing a person I am.
ReplyDeleteI don't remember much about that day, it was all kind of a blur. The parts I do remember seem insignificant, how could someone get that angry over words that have no meaning. I thought we were only kidding around like we always did. He would say something mean and I back to him but this time was different, he took what I said to heart, and the next thing I know I was blocked for weeks. It's a funny story in the end, for alcohol, has a way of influencing the mind, and the mind influences one's actions and by the end of that night, I had texted him.
ReplyDeleteAbby Ford
When I loaded the last box into the car I was full of excitement and grief. Grief for all of the memories made in my hometown and the friends that I cherished so deeply at the time. I had no idea at that moment that the person I had become during the first 18 years of my life was about to change so drastically. Of course every adult tells you this will happen before you go to college, but it’s one of those things that you could just never fully comprehend without experiencing it for yourself, like the feeling of getting a tattoo. Everyone wants to know what it feels like and you can try to explain it, but they will never fully understand what you mean until they feel it for themselves.
ReplyDeleteLeaving home was like flipping to the last page of your favorite book only to realize you’re on book one of a nine-book series. There are endless possibilities and so many characters you haven’t met yet. At first I thought of home all the time. I don’t think of it as much anymore. Sometimes I see a white car pass by and I’m right back in the moment that my first boyfriend broke up with me in high school. Sometimes I hear the marching band play at a football game and suddenly it’s Friday night and everyone is talking about where to go to eat afterwards and whose house we can spend the night at.
I met a guy at my old boarding school who I developed very strong feelings for. We talked for a long time, but little things would happen which would suggest I wasn't the only girl he was talking to. I was advised by my sister to end things with him; however, instead of doing that I let the relationship continue. We ended things then I regretted it so I talked to him about getting back together, only to find out he didn't care as deeply about me as I did about him. I was really hurt, which was bad. But the good part was that I got out of a relationship that I wasn't getting out as much as I was putting in.
ReplyDeleteMy eighth grade year of middle school I was forced to move away from a home that I had only been in for a year. It was very abrupt. My mom and her fiancé decided for work purposes that moving 30 minutes away from my school, friends, and where I lived at the time would be a good “meeting in the middle mark” for both of their jobs. Before I knew it, 2 weeks later and my mom was asking me to clean up my room because our house was being shown to potential buyers. That very next weekend an offer was made on my house and we were packing boxes of our valuables and scheduling a time with a moving company. It all went so fast. We moved homes and it was a very difficult time for me. The biggest disconnection that I experienced was that I missed my friends. I constantly looked back to those wonderful moments where all of my school friends and I would bake cupcakes in the kitchen and while they were cooking we would go play in the creek down by the house. I didn’t have that anymore once I moved so that feeling of all the fun times I used to have at what I knew as home was something I knew I couldn’t have back. Through all of this, there have been lessons that I have learned with the main one being that everything happens for a reason. The best connection that I made from this move was that I met neighbors who I genuinely can call my family. It is crazy to think that you can become so close with your neighbors but they are some of the most caring people I know and they always support me. I am so thankful that the move I experienced in 8th grade allowed me this wonderful connection with my neighbors.
ReplyDeleteThere’s always a lot of things surrounding the holidays, one that you don’t really expect is death. On Christmas morning my teacher was pronounced dead after a drunk driver hit her and her daughter on the highway. When the news had spread throughout the town it was as if the Joy of Christmas had been robbed by Scrooge, but in this case it was drinking and driving. The feeling of emptiness spread throughout the small town she resided in, and by New Years the entire town was in shambles. Five weeks past and the memorial service had arrived. Her husband and her four kids stood on the stage with the heart of a lion exuding courage and confidence as there was not a tear shed until the father started to speak. The whole thing felt too surreal, first a death on Christmas, now a tarnished family painting a straight face to deceive the public eye. While it was clear everyone at the large memorial service was suffering from sadness and grief the room felt empty, yet full of emotion.
ReplyDelete-Kai Lancaster
Delete*Outside*
ReplyDeleteWe were in two different spot now. We grew apart instead of growing together. I know we both said things because it was heat of the moment but that was my sign.
*Past*
But I can’t help but think about our first date. We knew each other for about a year prior so it was weird or uncomfortable. He took me on a drive and stopped in this field. The sun was setting and all I could hear what’s the breeze and the rustling from the near by trees. We talked about all the things we wanted in life. Hopes, dreams and desires.
Now* B
But when I look back and stare at him as I enter my car, he wasn’t the same person I once knew.
She told me she loved me on Valentines Day. It had been six months… shouldn’t I have said it at least by now? I couldn’t have because I didn’t feel it. It would go against my morals to tell someone I loved them when I didn’t. Why don’t I love her? She’s kind, has my same humor, comes from a good family… why can’t I love her? She told me she loved me through a text. I can tell it’s because she couldn’t muster the courage to say it to my face. I understand, but now I’ve opened that text and she knows it. “I care about you.” That was the best I could do. She replied, “That’s not the same thing.” It’s all beginning to unravel. Why are we having this conversation on the most romantic day of the year? That’s when I told her that I didn’t feel like I loved her yet. It stung her… I could hear her heart drop from 10 miles away. That’s when she decided that if I couldn’t love her after six months, then I probably would never. I agreed, but I felt a part of myself wither away.
ReplyDeleteThe moment had finally come, the exact reason we had met up that day all, the goodbye. We tried to go about the day as if it was just another regular weekend hike and a normal drive home. We tried not to talk about the future and we certainly did not mention the moment that we both knew was inevitable. It remained unspoken but it lurked in the back of both our minds as the hours of the day ticked by. And now it was finally here. He stood on the curb outside his house, the same spot we had hugged goodbye so many times before. I stood on the street next to my car door with my keys in my hand. We looked at each other knowing that this goodbye was not like any of the last. It was not the night we built gingerbread houses and I left his house hours after I told my parents I would be home. It was not the night we got poke bowls and watched three movies back to back. It was not like the first time I met his parents or like the time his little brother was mortified he had brought a girl home. As I stood there hugging him I was wishing that the goodbye I was muttering was like all the previous ones. Neither of us wanted to let go first because we knew that no goodbye after this would ever be the same. We promised to remain friends but the future was completely unwritten and things are always bound to change. We both let go and I drove home with memories flooding my brain and tears flooding my eyes.
ReplyDeleteWe've been talking here and there throughout the summer leading into sophomore year of high school, just on snapchat. When I got my first FaceTime call from him, my heart was beating out of my chest, my palms started to sweat, and my finger was shaking as I pressed the button to accept the call. I didn't see him in person, though, until the first home football game. We were both talking about going with our friends, so I made sure to look extra put together for that game. In the crowd, a couple rows up from me, I saw him. I immediately turned away because I was too nervous to make eye contact, but later that night was the first time we hung out. His friend group and mine all got together after the game, and we were talking the whole night. We even had our first kiss. As months go by he officially asked me to be his girlfriend. This was my first relationship, my first boyfriend. Junior year came and went quickly since we were on zoom, and covid put my relationship at a hault as well. We would always end up fighting, we talked less and less as the weeks went on, and he would always chose to hangout with his friends instead of me which intensified my emotions throughout our arguments, so we decided to end things. Although that is not the end of our story, as we got back together senior year. I always felt a draw to him, whether we were officially dating or not. Senior year was a good time for us, we were ecstatic to be back together and we would enjoy our time together getting food, he'd take me out with him and his friends, and we were both just happy to be closer than we have before. Senior year, though, came to end quickly. The summertime was filled with bright moments that came and went in a flash. Soon enough, I was leaving for college the next day. I wanted to stay together throughout college, try long distance and see how it went. I just wanted to at least try. Obviously, he did not. "It would be too hard on me" is what I heard over and over again, like it wouldn't be hard on me either. He stopped putting effort in weeks before I left, he told me "I don't see a point in trying when we're gonna breakup in a month", those words tore my heart in two. How could he feel this way when he was my first love?
ReplyDeleteAs my foot met the pavement beneath me, my nose was greeted by an unfamiliar smell. The thick air was filled with the stench of my new neighbors trash and I was not ready to say goodbye to the fresh scent of cut grass. Where I used to be able to see for miles on miles, now was blocked by skyscrapers and standard brick buildings. I would no longer be able to sit outside and enjoy the open space while taking in the vibrant sunset with the comfort of my mom next to me. Now instead I must get used to the constant sound of sirens, construction, and honking horns and the generic view of what you would see in an old city. I must get used to my new life, but I will never be ready to say goodbye to my old one.
ReplyDeleteAfter four long years it was time to call it quits. As I picked up the phone to call the other number my phone was oh so familiar with, I remembered the beginning. I was a sophomore in high school captivated by the star senior football and basketball player taking me on our first date. I felt so lucky. Four years later, as a sophomore in college, the luck had faded, and I felt more held back than anything. I was nervous to initiate the breakup. At the time I felt unsure, but looking back on it I think I had made up my mind long ago, I just needed time to come to terms with it. It's odd to think something that took up four years of my life could be put to rest during a 30 minute phone call, but those are the cards you're dealt in a college long distance relationship. After we hung up, I felt many emotions at once. Above all, though, I felt a sense of growth that I had been longing to feel for a very long time.
ReplyDeleteOnce friends now turned foe
ReplyDeleteOne was named Jim the other named Joe
Both of them have punches to throw
Fighting in the snow
As kids the duo lived close to each other
They acted like they each had a brother
It was always a competition to see who was tougher
but at the end of the day they rejoiced for supper
As time went on their own business was booming
Until one day Jim considered moving
This sparked a problem that was looming
Joe wanted to keep making money
Jim was ready to move on with his honey.
Joe and Jim no longer thought of each other as buddies
Eventually tempers flared during winter flurries
The fight went on
They tore up the lawn
It continued until dawn
Nobody won
It was the first day of seventh grade and I was going to my Spanish class. My hands were clammy, my face was sweaty and I was almost shaking. I couldn't tell if it was from the long walk I had to take to get to this class in under 4 minutes or if it was the fact that this was the most talked about teacher because of how awful she was. I walked in, no one immediately caught my attention, everyone was kind of the same. I did this thing where I would pick out a crush in each class to keep me entertained, but no one in that class I particularly liked. As the school year went on, I met this guy who would then turn into my best friend. We didn't hang out outside of school because we were both busy with sports but we talked regularly. He was tall, muscular and had curly hair. Overtime I began to fall in love with his personality. He was almost never in a bad mood and knew how to make me laugh even when I didn't want to. Over the next year, I started to realize that maybe I did like him, but I would never tell him because one, I had an insane fear of rejection and two, because I was not allowed to date anyone. We finally decided to make it official during our freshman year of high school and everything was amazing. I had the guy I wanted, he was the star football player, I had everything I could have wanted. But slowly, those things I fell in love with turned into the things that hurt me the most. I began to feel manipulated and not heard. It felt as if every time I tried to put in effort, he withdrew. It was killing me slowly and it didn't stop killing me for four more years after that.
ReplyDelete"Do you want to break up with me?" "Yes." One word, one word that is all it took. I had spent a whole week trying to figure how I wanted to break up with him and all it took was one question and one word. This was my first real relationship and unfortunately in the end all the bad out weighed the good and I chose to end it for myself. It was the first time I chose myself in that relationship and I was honestly so proud of myself. It was very hard for me too because I was loosing my best friend, but looking back on it he was no the same person I had met 9 months ago. The first time we ever hung out he was an absolute gentleman. We walked around a forrest preservation and we eventually stopped in an area where these huge trees were. He hung up a hammock in the trees and we sat out there for hour talking and getting to know each other. I learned a lot about myself throughout this relationship and our break up.
ReplyDeleteIt was late in the evening on March 14th, 2022. I was at work, and I remember my little sister was calling me. It was her birthday, so I figured she wanted to show me all the gifts she got. I answered the facetime call and I saw that she was crying but not the good type of crying. I asked what was wrong and she told me that my dog, Simba, had been run over. He was a small puppy, half maltipoo half chihuahua. I had grown to love this dog like he was my child and I know that sounds weird, but he was my best friend. When I heard her say those words, my heart dropped. She showed me my dog whining because he was in pain and at this point, I had tears in my eyes. How could the sweetest most playful dog have to experience something so terrible? I was basically yelling through the phone for them to take him to a hospital but the closest one to them was an hour away. My mom rushed on the way there and I had to leave work which was still an hour and half away from the hospital they were going to. I felt like it took forever, and time was just slipping from my hands. My mom called me an hour into my drive to tell me that he was gone. All I could think of was my little playful puppy, the puppy who would run up to my car every time he saw me pull into the driveway, the loving puppy who would wake us up with kisses, and the one who no matter what, would always want to be attached to us. It was unbelievable to me. I still haven't healed from losing him, but I know he's living it up in doggy heaven.
ReplyDeleteJust recently i moved away from home and started a new journey in college. Even though the discussion of me leaving home had been going on for awhile, it didnt hit me until the day that my parents and brother finally said goodbye after moving me into my dorm. As i hugged them goodbye, watched them drive off, and i walked back to my dorm, it finally hit me that i was on my own. I no longer had my parents there for me at all hours of the day, i was on my own, and it was time to grow up. I sat in my dorm room continuously thinking about what life was like at home with my family and how happy i was there. Thinking about how we used go out to eat together at our favorite Mexican restaurant , and many more. Even though i was sad to move away, i believe that it was time for a change in my life and that this would be a good change.
ReplyDeleteI found out just on a random day when I got out of school and it was not a smooth transaction. My mom was excited to move into this new house but apart of me was sad to leave my friends that I had made in the old neighborhood. I don’t believe was ready to leave all the things I had nearby and close to me. Now, whenever can’t decide on what to eat, everything is so far away and it makes me miss my old house where everything was close by. I was excited about the new house because it was nicer, but the memories I made in that house feel very near and dear to me so. I have no clue who my neighbors are in my new neighborhood and everyone is on golf carts instead of walking or biking everywhere. I felt most disconnected with the atmosphere that the old house had. It had the atmosphere of something fun is always going on and there was always some action. I never ran out of things to do there.
ReplyDeleteWalking into that church is a scene I will never forget. The reason why I was there was because my great aunt had passed away. 1 year later, I stepped into that church but this time for a church service which was a little more up lifting. Sitting, listening to this church service go on I could only imagine her coffin in the middle of this dewy, dome shaped room. I had now made a better memory being at this church than the first one. My aunt was singing in the choir, my uncle was one of the pastors, and my cousin was playing the guitar. To see how my family is so involved with this environment makes me emotional but happy to see all the effort they put in. My great aunt was a very positive person, so I know she wouldn't want me to attach the church to her death. She would want me to see the church as a positive thing in which it was where she was sent up from and was not suffering anymore. It is hard to dissociate places with things that happened there, but I think if you look on the bright side of this place it is possible.
ReplyDeleteShe sits on a tan couch in a room full of darkness,
ReplyDeleteWith her arms folded around her legs,
And tears hitting her knees.
She feels her heart breaking from beneath her skin,
As he grabs her hand,
And says the words, “you know I will love you always.”
She closes her eyes slowly holding back the tears,
But her mind flashes back four years,
Sitting in his passenger seat,
Holding his precious hand,
Where she hears again, “you know I will love you always”
She opens her eyes as tears stream out.
Maybe he won’t love her always,
But she spoke back to him in trembles,
“You know I’ll love you always too”
She walked out the door barely putting one foot in front of another.
Losing someone is a tragic thing. When I started the semester, I was ready to kick off a great last year. That was short lived as my first round of assignments came in. Those weren't the problem though. When my mom calls me, it's always something bad so when she called me 2 times in a row and left a voicemail, I knew something had happened. I answer my phone the next time to find out an old friend was murdered and laying in the presence of her 2 year old daughter. As horrible as that is in all contexts relivant, more was to come my way just a week later. As I wake up one morning, I see a notification on my phone. Law enforcement had just captured the murderer of one of my other friend's older brother. At first, I thought it was my friend because he always went by a nickname, but it wasn't. After about 2 clicks, I am met with an obituary containing my friend's name it it as well. This was something I never thought to see in my life. My friends- people I grew up with- were no longer with us on this plane. It feels like it was just last year that we were padding up to go head to head on the football field and my friend, the mother coming down and helping me as I had just watched my grandmother pass away in front of my eyes.
ReplyDeleteWhen my mom died, I was six hours away here at school. I was on the phone with my two sisters, One of my sisters was there at the hospital with her, my twin sister was also still at school. My twin sister and I never got to say goodbye to our mom. But one thing that comforted us in this horrible time was all the memories we had with our mom. Theres way too many to choose from, because it feels like every memory with my mom, no matter how small or big was a special bonding moment.
ReplyDeleteHis mother opened the door, darkness flooded the halls from the room. There her son sat, face stuffed in his pillow with streams running down both ends. Only a week ago had he seen Sean, playing in the hot summers heat by the river banks. “It’s time” his mother said. He sat up and slowly walked out of his cold and quite room to friends and family he had always known. As he walked around to see everyone he saw Sean’s picture next to his final bed.
ReplyDeleteGabriel Roman
The feeling of a heartbreak on a young heart is something that will never be forgotten. 3 years of off and on and just hurting each other was pointless. The first time we met there was an undeniable chemistry but I was a sophomore and he was a senior, you know how this one usually ends. Continuously out to hurt each other when we weren’t together but still being each others outlet when things went wrong or we just needed to talk. I am now a freshman in college and he’s a junior who lives 2 hours away from me at home. We’ve both grown without each other which was so hard for me to do in the beginning but we’re good without each other even if we both couldn’t see it at the time.
ReplyDeleteI left a handful of people behind. Not because of school or because I moved away, but because I felt like we were no longer connected. I realized that I was putting the most effort into these friendships but I never got anything in return. Looking back freshman year of high school, we would always tell each other everything and hang out everyday. It was a fun time. So much so that I would have never pictured myself doing what I did. But realizing that everyone relies on me to keep the group together while no one else puts in the effort, was a wake up call to find new people that will actually put effort in a friendship. The best part is that I keep meeting new people everyday and I am happy that I had the courage to leave something special behind for the better.
ReplyDeleteA blurry view of the rearview
ReplyDeleteEyes clouded with tears
Driving home
But away from home
The open road ahead leaves room for memories
More than one heart can handle
Bittersweet moments from years ago
Become alive and new again
The two lanes transform
Into father and daughter
The curves in the road become their dancing
Loose and without pattern
The trees lining the road turn brown
Bushels of brown hair, a trashcan full
Tears on the floor, tears wiped away
Scissors discarded like the trash on the road
A home built in memories
Seen in everything
Driving home
But away from home
The day started normal, like any other day. I woke up in his arms as he peppered kisses across my nose and cheeks. As I fluttered my eyes open, adjusting to the light, he had a smile plastered across his face and he leaned in and pressed a kiss to my lips. We both got out of bed and did our morning routines, him in the guest bathroom and me in the en suite bathroom. We had plans to walk to my parents house for lunch then meet up with his sister who was coming into town for dinner. A simple day.
ReplyDeleteBut now, I wake up in the discomfort of my childhood bedroom at my parents house. I didn’t sleep a lick last night, tossing and turning replaying the previous evenings events over in my mind. The day was going well, we talked with my parents about planning our 5 year anniversary dinner but…how could we celebrate after he kissed her.
Flashback to previous night: We went to a club with their sister and her husband. Dancing, drinking, just catching up. When all of a sudden, a pretty woman approached him and they both greeted each other like old friends. They were. Exes. Sitting in jealousy, I saw her sly smile as she looked my way andI tried pulling him away, yet he stayed. It hurt but what truly shattered me was the fact that he didn’t pull away. I “bumped” into them on my way out, grunting a small “excuse me”. I didn’t give him time to explain as he chased after me, he doesn’t deserve that after what he did.
My phone is buzzing repeatedly, I know it’s him. Checking all the notifications, they are filled with “sorry” and “it didn’t mean anything” or “can we please talk”. After laying on my back for 20 minutes debating my options, I call him, him picking up almost immediately. “Baby, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to, it just happened. You know I love you!” I’m silent as a few tears fall from my eyes. “I don’t know what to think right now” I whisper, choking on a sob. There is a sob on the other side too, “I can’t lose you”
Betty Lundal-
ReplyDeleteI stood there with tears in my eyes and he had no idea what was happening. Questioning my sadness and confused how ones mood could be so dark at the brightest moment of the night. Clueless as to how he was the person behind my tears. my sadness. I was in disbelief. I couldn't recognize the person I used to love the most. Did he ever care for me? Did he ever love me? Was he using me? Questions that began to flow as I stood in front of the person I wanted the most. Walking away was the hardest part because I wanted him to chase after me. I wanted him to fix things. I wanted him to want me as bad as I wanted him. But I knew he wasn't going to do that. I knew it was going to be me apologizing for something I didn't even do. I wouldn't let myself accept the fact it was over, but I know I needed to. The hardest time turned to the best. Growth from myself and support from the people who loved me the most.
He left me behind. My best friend left me behind. He was such an important soul to the whole town. M hero, my grandfather. I remember him letting me sit in his lap and steer the wheel. I wish I could feel that excitement again. I was his little girl.
ReplyDelete